Sunday, November 25, 2012

On the Importance of Trying


Some nights I will stay up too late talking to friends or playing video games and I know that in the morning I'll feel extremely tired. Then, I'll go to sleep. I'll wake up in the morning and, lo, just like I predicted, I feel terrible. I'm tired. My limbs feel heavy. I can barely keep my eyes open. I'll tell myself that I just won't bother getting dressed that morning. I'll just throw on some random shirt, something on my legs and shoe myself with whatever I find. Then I reach for a pair of jeans and stop.

I can't wear those jeans.
I can't wear that old t-shirt.
I can't walk past my makeup table.
I can't give up.
I can't give up.

It's a one sentence confirmation of my worth. I get dressed in the mornings because I enjoy it, because I want to, and because I am denying apathy.

Self-Love is a buzz word for persons of the especially female persuasion existing in the modern world for a reason. (For those of you who don't know, Self-Love is the active love and appreciation of yourself as a sort of counter to the normal body hate and under appreciation of oneself) Loving yourself is important. It makes you more productive, happier, more confident, and a slew of other things. Tons of outspoken and successful women are speaking up for it. People like Gala Darling and Angelina have especially spoken up for it. It's certainly becoming increasingly important today.

But what does that really have to do with my inability to wear sweatpants?
Because putting effort into what I do is an affirmation that what I am doing and what I am are both worth it. This is my emotions, my sense of beauty, I'm putting out into the world, but not for anyone else. This is just for me.

And some mornings you may wake up tired, sad, exhausted, willing to just scream and say fuck it to trying. But you need to try. You need to say that you are worth it because you are. You are the person who understands you the most. The person who knows your favorite color. You are your own soul mate. And you should treat yourself well. You deserve it.
So maybe nobody notices when you paint your nails with that new color. It makes you smile, don't give it up.
So maybe your art isn't as well known as someone else's. It doesn't have as many comments. Do you like your art? Does it speak to you? You create, don't give up.
So maybe it's easier to wear that pair of ratty old flats than hunt down that new pair of heels that you love. It's early in the morning. It doesn't matter. But it does-- for you!
When you put effort into things, you are affirming that it has meaning and worth and power. And it does because you do. You are powerful and strong and worth the effort.
Don't ever, ever give up.

2 comments:

  1. This is such a nice post :) I'm definitely going to need it tomorrow morning(I can already tell I'm going to be exhausted)

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